Mankind, look upon your creation and weep.
Every so often mankind does something so incredible that the question must be raised: have we achieved all that is possible to achieve? This question has been asked for such great creations as sliced bread, the polio vaccine, and dollar mug night (or insert favorite drink special here). Each time mankind has progressed further, and moved on to the next great invention or discovery. But each time there is a question mark, a pause, a reevaluation where we wonder anew if the limits have been reached. And each time that we stop to ask the question we have gotten that much closer to such a limit, making the question that much more relevant.
Today I have found evidence that we must ask this question again. According to my research, in the 1800s scientists made hoof and mouth disease a thing of the past (editor’s note: “research” was watching Blazing Saddles). The 1960’s saw the creation and popularization of doomsday devices with the power to end all life on the surface of the earth (ed.: Dr. Strangelove). And scientists have returned life to the deceased, giving us reason to believe death no longer must hold sway over man's destiny (ed: Young Frankenstein). Each time a legitimate case could be made that we can go no further, but each time we did and the results have been amazing. Aeroplanes, locomotive trains, and automobiles, to say nothing of this thing I hear of called the “personal computer”; I’m not sold on that last one, but we’ll see how it goes.
But today we sing praises for the pinnacle of human achievement. Today we survey the whole of human history and say to our ancestors "Yes, it was a struggle. Yes, we lost many in the wars we fought for this. Yes, we lost many in the peace still fraught with danger, for this. Yes, we waited generations for this. Yes.
‘But look now on our accomplishment and weep. Weep with joy, for the realization of our dreams. Weep, for your destruction and your salvation. Weep, and be born again into the glory of the future."
Yes, we have done it, satisfied all of mankind’s greatest hopes and dreams.
For today, I finally found it: Vanilla Coke Zero. The rest… is history.
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4 comments:
That was brilliant.
Oh, and good call on the usage of the movies. Mom and dad were over at the house earlier, and dad and I watched the end of Dr. Strangelove (didn't have the time sadly to watch it all, although i watched it the other night again...woo!). Mainly just to see Slim Pickens ride the bomb out of the plane. Also, Dad hadn't seen it in years, so good times there.
I'll have to find this Vanilla Coke Zero. I really need to cut down on the sodas, and Coke Zero isn't bad, although I still get the aftertaste some. Added vanilla, I would imagine helps that.
Keep on truckin...
Oh, and the "comment deleted" was from me. Somehow I signed in using an email i didn't realize i had anymore. good times.
DIET VANILLA COKE ZERO - say it ain't so Joe, Say it ain't so. Great story, you actually had me going until the end when you dropped the punch line of the story. Excellent
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